Enabler
by Belletrist Word Salad
Summary: Supplement to Wicked Game. Because Naruto and Sakura are gone, Lady Luck's an abstraction, and Tsunade needs SOMEBODY to blame. NOW. Mentions of NaruTeammates and mpreg.


**en·ab·ler **[en-**eyb**-ler]  
-_**noun**_  
1. one that enables another to achieve an end  
**2. ****one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (such as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by helping that individual avoid the consequences of such behavior**

I should've known something like this would happen, when I finally got lucky on Poker Night. Lady Luck and her Seven Lucky Bastards had always done that to me, dangling fortune in front of me, only to snatch it back.

Sneaky fuckers, ne?

But even then, I'd never have expected this from my apprentice or my future successor and "little brother." That leaves me to wonder: when did this start?

If I had to guess, it started when Sakura first barged into my office two months ago, begging for a drink. Were it not for the desperation in her voice nor the fact that she was ready to cry, I would've thought nothing of such a request. After all, I'd introduced her to alcohol long ago.

A few drinks of my choice later, she became like that Latin proverb. _In vino veritas__._ "I love Naruto-baka!" and she unable to have him 'cause he'd decided to hook up with that midriff-bearing _sharemono_ Sai. Never had I felt so much pity for anyone as I did for my dear apprentice as she drowned her sorrows in the fifth (or was it sixth? Or seventh?) drink. I mean, losing Naruto to _that_? Oh well, at least she wasn't blubbering over the Uchiha as she would've before undergoing my training…

And speaking of the devil, Uchiha _did_ return, a month after Sakura told me about Naruto and Sai. I, of course, took extra precautions, put a seal on him to restrict his chakra within Mt. Oinari and all that. As Father learned from Grandfather and later taught me, one can't be too careful with an Uchiha…especially one who opens his legs to the likes of Orochimaru.

And of course, I was ready to inform my dear future successor, but the Uchiha insisted on surprising him. And that's when it occurred to me: this Uchiha must've felt something for Naruto if he wanted to "surprise" him like that. I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't inwardly grin at the thought of Uchiha's face when he learned of Naruto fucking Sai. It would certainly serve him right…

"As you wish, Uchiha."

Of course, I immediately regretted that decision when my apprentice came back to drown her sorrows again. Apparently, my "little brother" had decided to do them both. Backfire much?

Or maybe not, especially when Sakura came back a month later with the news that not only had Uchiha and Sai caught on to Naruto, but that they were somehow carrying his children. But this time, she didn't drink to drown her sorrows; it was more like something you'd see villains do when they're plotting something big.

Looking back, I guess that was a sign that she would take matters into her own hands, because two days later, she and Naruto burst into my office like Akatsuki was at their heels. I swear to Kami they were. And right when I was sleeping off a hangover too. And if that wasn't weird enough, they started laughing. And I don't mean funny ha-ha laughter either. I mean, like, just-escaped-death laughter. Hysterical, bordering-on-insanity laughter.

"What was _that_ all about?" I asked, complete with Akatsuki comparison.

"It wasn't Akatsuki," my dear "little brother" assured me, "but believe me: what we ran from was just as bad."

"Like what?" I ventured.

"Balls-and-chains," he quipped.

I was in no mood to decipher that, so I got everything ready for Poker Night. And I was feeling lucky, which in and of itself should've made me suspicious.

"Ha-ha! Royal flush, suckers!"

But what did that matter, when I'd managed to win 2 million yen out of the usual suspects?

Buncha sore losers, calling me "cheat" just because I wasn't the Legendary Sucker for once. And the only usual suspect left, Kuroda, dared to challenge me to a drinking contest. And I outlasted him…by two seconds before the alcohol kicked in and I joined him in drunken slumber. And then I woke up…and my money, as well as my two most beloved shinobi, was gone.

Which brings me to where I am now, pondering what to do with this turn of events, the rest of Team 7 awaiting my verdict. I'm facing askance from them, and I can't help but sneak a glance from the corner of my eye and sneer inwardly at the bruise I gave Uchiha, a crack in those _perfect_ features my departed apprentice used to gush over. I can't tell you how good it felt, making him taste my wrath.

Don't gimme those looks! We all know he's the reason my dear blondes left! Their faults were caused by _his_ faults! And, a _kid!_ Naruto's still a kid himself! He shouldn't have to throw his life away just to look after some _baita's _whoreson!

And that's when it dawns on me.

I turn and face the gentlemen of the jury, all waiting with bated breath.

"Let them go."

Their faces? Total Kodak moment.

Yamato, of course, voices his objections. How could I let them go after what they just did? Bah! The question should be what are Naruto and Sakura's sins, compared to the _shishishinchuu's_? They were just doing what Jiraiya and I had done in our youth, going out and leading their own lives. Granted, neither of us stole anything from Hiruzen-sensei nor was it a bolt in the night. But even then, it wasn't as if they'd done anything against the village. It was just against me. And weren't those faults caused by _Pansuke's _faults?

I brush aside Yamato's protests and send him to call the remaining Rookies and Team Gai. I have to make sure their opinions aren't swayed by that forked tongue or the social faker. And to make doubly sure of this…

"If either of you try to sway anyone, I'll take away your custody of your little bastards."

Censure me all you want, but blackmail works.

It certainly does in this instance, when I tell the Rookies and Team Gai that Naruto and Sakura would be living as "outside agents." Some of them react as I expect, namely Lee bemoaning the loss of his beloved "SAKURA-SAAAAN!" and Hinata practically hyperventilating at the loss of her beloved _N-N-N-Naruto-kun_. But for reasons unknown, the others don't seem to buy it. But how is that possible? I got to them before _those two_ could.

Neji starts asking questions, namely why would Naruto suddenly throw away his dream to become Houshukage. Shikamaru and Kiba, judging by their faces, are wondering the same thing. But there's something peculiar about their expressions: it's as if they _know_ there's more to this than I'm telling them. And looking around, I see that even those who aren't asking questions share this expression.

So much for pulling the hitai-ate over their eyes.

I don't have time for their inquiries or petty complaints, so I dismiss them and leave to drown my own sorrows. But not before sneaking one final glance at _those two_. Neither of them have said a word, not since I blackmailed them. Both are glaring downwards, at nothing in particular, when Uchiha suddenly inhales and clenches his eyes as tight as his fists, a single tear making its way down his face and falling to the floor.

That's right. Go sit in a corner and cry. Cry like you've never cried before. Cry until those damned Uchiha eyes dry up and fall from their sockets. After all the tears you've made Naruto and Sakura shed, it serves you right…_Saseko._ You little _whore_.

* * *

All characters © Masashi Kishimoto  
This story, Wicked Game © me

Glossary

**In vino veritas****:** Latin. "In wine, there is truth."

**Sharemono:** Japanese. "Dandy" or "fop."

**Baita:** Japanese. "Whore."

**Shishishinchuu:** Japanese. Literally, "treacherous fiend," "treacherous insider," or "snake in one's bosom." Basically, a snake in the grass.

**Pansuke:** Japanese. "Whore." I purposely chose this because it's similar to "Sasuke."

**Saseko:** Japanese. "Whore." Like **Pansuke**, I chose this because of the similarity to Sasuke's name.


End file.
